music and me

Today I realized something about myself and my music. It had been a long day and I was showing my roommate, Francie, a song that I had recently written titled "Hummingbird". Hummingbird is the one song of mine that kind of encompasses them all. It is a song about hope, love, fear, and cherishing each moment. As I was listening and talking about it with Francie, I realized how good it makes me feel to make music. One thing that people are always telling me is to write more upbeat songs or add a drumbeat to my music. Most people think that my music doesn't necessarily fit my personality on the outside. I tend to be very upbeat, energetic, "bubbly" if you will, and just kinda a quirky person I think. However, I think the people that truly know me, know that I've got a lot more thought that goes on in my head that isn't always portrayed on the outside. I've realized that music is my outlet. It lets me say everything I'm normally to scared to say. It's like my missing half and with it I feel so much more complete and well-rounded. It's my vulnerability. But my music is soft. It's mellow. It can have a somewhat majestic feel to it I suppose. And it's very raw. It's my way of allowing others to see inside. Without a guitar and pen and paper, I think I would be very shut off. So I am very thankful that I've been blessed with music and I now completely see one of its purposes in my life.

Some people may like my songs and others may not, but one thing I think I need to always remember is what do I like? What makes me feel good? And something I have come to find is that generally, if I feel one way and am able to portray that feeling in a song...there is someone else out there who will relate to it and know exactly what I am talking about. And that is what makes music matter. The connection. All I can hope for is that someone else hears it, gets it, and knows they aren't alone.

PS - the one CD in the world that I connect to the best is "A Bird Flies Out" by Deb Talan. That CD is the one that makes me believe I'm not alone. And that gives me hope.